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Home again, Home again (UPDATED)

I’ve decided to stop running away from home, at least for now. I’m going to stick with living in lovely Buena Park in my idyllic Lakeside community. It’s a bit dull and removed from city life, but it’s relaxing and peaceful at the same time. I would rather feel happy and safe here than in a state of constant worry about where my next paycheck is coming from and if I have enough to pay my rent. I don’t need to be worrying about this stuff anymore because it will take care of itself and I just need to focus more on my own well-being. I have a lifetime worth of items to get rid of and I just need to take the time to actually start reducing my stuff.

Perhaps, my next move will take me back to San Francisco, but for now I just want to focus on the here and now rather than the what may be. I’m slowly regaining my ability to properly reason about what I want to be doing in life and where I want to live. I see no problem living in Orange County, but I do enjoy San Francisco a lot. LA is a foreign country to me still and it always will be. I just need to accept it and move on. No need to try to fit in or make a name for myself out there, I’ve already done that here and I’m find with it.

I know I’ve wavered back and forth in the past, but I’ve made my decision and I’m ready to accept it. No one needs to be making plans for me other than myself. I will not allow my life to be ruled by others when I have a better idea of where I should be and what I should do. I never disliked living in Orange County, but I did seem to enjoy San Francisco a bit more at times. Friends helped a lot up there, unlike in LA where everyone is too busy doing their own thing. The last thing I need to be doing is worried about fitting into someone else’s schedule.

UPDATE 10-5-11: I really do want to go back to LA, I’m just worried about not getting a job or finding a decent apartment for a good price. Work should not be a problem even with my “disability.”

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